One Word

My mom loves chocolate, but she has an uncanny ability to make one bar last for weeks.  I may be flesh of her flesh, but why oh why did I not inherit this ability to prolong gratification?

Then there's Jim, who loves words & ideas as much as I do, but always stops to *think* before expressing himself (a completely foreign concept to me).  During his lengthy phone pauses I often think we’ve been disconnected... nope, still thinking it through.  This, of course, has often made me raving mad.  I want answers & I want them now.  And in my anger, he has the audacity to hold me to everything I say, thought through or not.

Yes, yes, I have a problem.  Lots, I'm sure.  But, one of my [capital P] Problems that causes [lowercase p] problems galore is this inability to Pause before ________ (a million answers fit this blank).

This is why my One Word chose me.  It has been a week(plus) since I expressed my intention to focus on One Word in this still-fairly-new year.  Lack of blog follow-up has definitely not meant lack of total follow-up…or at least not in this case (no queries about the exercise intentions, please).  

The word PAUSE has glued itself to my brain.  Yes, I need to Pause.

I love the concept of Pause, and all that it encompasses. 

It’s Heroes night.  I love the show for many reasons.  One of them is Hiro.  This insanely cute little Japanese man has the ability to freeze time.  Everything stops mid-breath, mid-word, mid-movement, and he is able to interact within this Still frame of a Paused world.  Calmly, serenely.  Sigh.  If only...  My time freezing powers are non-existent, but there’s still something to this.  I honestly think I can experience the same *sort* of calm within.  If I pause…consider…slow down…wait
…watch…listen…breathe…

I will gain the space & time, even perspective, to Act more than I React.  An infinitely better "if only."

No magic, but huge Power.  My boys would love the pause to Calm when I find that they’ve flooded the back yard...again.  Perhaps I can even pause to Enjoy the muddy moment when (unfortunatley, not if) this happens.  Jim needs my pause to Appreciate; he needs to realize how much I truly am grateful for all that he is & does.  He’d also enjoy the pause to Consider when I [perhaps!] relinquish some staunch opinions in the step-back to-see-what’s-truly-best. 

I want to do all of that, but I especially want to Pause to Serve.  Life flies by.  We all know that.  I want to know that AND know that I have looked for ways to help & give every week, if not every day, of my life.  I know that I need to Pause to step away from "Me" in order to do this more fully.  I want to notice needs - listen to people, hear what they're not saying, then act.  But, first the magic calming of the rush, the pause to step Beyond.

Of course, this will take time.  I love having a blog that will always allow a pause for Remember.  Another genius remember tactic - Annalisa pasted her word on her mirror.  Ali posted hers on a wall.  There is definite power in seeing something every day.  I think I’ll follow suit with this sign (above) that I made.

Thank you to the other Words that have inspired me to Focus on my own.

Aunt Judy – Gratitude & follow-up post
Mandi - Breathe (great minds think alike!)
Annalisa – Positive
Michelle – Free
Ali – Peace

 *Have you chosen a word yet?*

on the first and last of Crush

 

I was positively serious when I stated on my List of 100 that Ralph Waldo Emerson was a crush. But he was not my first.

My first crush was named Dylan. He lived across the street. I regularly danced in my second floor bedroom, brush microphone in hand, singing, “Hopelessly Devoted to You” as I looked out the window at this dirty 9-year-old boy whose stringy brown bangs (yes, bangs) hid half his face. The longing was enough. I know that because the ideal shattered one day when his friend shouted across the street, “Dylan loves you.” Dylan thought he was well-hidden behind a nearby tree. Terrified, I ran inside and stopped listening to Grease.

The next crush was Clay Ross. I’m not sure how or if it’s done these days, but at Sandpiper Elementary School in 1986, the trend was a strictly no-contact “going out”. The Friend approached me at recess with the query, “Will you go out with Clay?” A few notes, Valentine’s chocolates dropped at my door, one awkward kiss and more notes from angry little girls who wanted Clay for their own. When the break-up news was delivered by the Friend, I breathed a sigh of jilted relief.

The list goes on in an agonizing string of distant crush. Then my cousins & brother introduced me to a Friend. Jim stole my heart by driving down the wrong side of the road the first night I met him. Utterly charming. And the U-turn nearly plowed me onto his lap in the people-squished truck cab. Bonus. Leaps and bounds from my idealistically distant early love affairs. Last crush, for sure.

I laugh to think of the silly agony of crushing. I choke the laughter as I consider the inevitable upcoming crushes of my own boys. Aidan is starting young, already enmeshed in his first crush - Miss Wendy, the preschool teacher.  He came home from classes with her name constantly on his lips.  But I didn't "get it" until...She came to Nursery to do music one Sunday and Aidan sat still, in his seat, arms folded, eyes beaming, mouth smiling, staring in adoration for the ENTIRE music time. This might be normal for some children. Not Aidan. Typical nursery music stance:  defiance.

This obviously bizarre behavior in our boy gave us pause…there was Power to be seized here. So the next Sunday we tapped that power. Aidan refused to wear a vest over his Sunday shirt. Until…“Miss Wendy will Love that vest.” Defiance disappeared. Oh yes, Miss Wendy now likes Aidan to eat his veggies, organize his toys, and be nice to his brother. Is it wrong to abuse the crush power?…all too much temptation in times of desperation.

Unlike his mom, Aidan has proven to be a crusher of Action. No friends or distant love for him. He wants to bring Miss Wendy presents. The latest conversation:

I want to make a book for Ms. Wendy.

What kind of book?

“The Lion King.”

Is that what you think she’d like?

Pensive, face lights up, “No, a Princess book!”

Questioning how Miss Wendy would feel about an Aidan-manufactured princess book, I convinced him to switch gift gears into the realm of edible. Cupcakes were decided. The batter was approved. Frosting tasted and tested. Chocolate heart toppers in the works. The chocolate in the bag was piping hot, so as I misshaped the first few hearts, Aidan’s brow was furrowed with concern.

“Um. Those are ugly hearts. Miss Wendy won't like them. She’ll probably just give them back to us," voice tension heightening, lip on the verge of quiver..."and then she won’t have any presents.”

I convinced him the hearts were fine. He glowed as we delivered the goods. I wish I had captured the look on his face as we drove away, and I wish I had captured the smile of my Last crush in the driver’s seat. While Miss Wendy is truly amazing, I know that Aidan will sometime discover that Last is Infinitely better than First in some regards.

Davyn and his "precious"

This child has me wrapped around his finger.  That's a place I'm not honestly prone to go...for Anyone. 

Thus, he has managed to make it to 2 (next week!) with the precious fire in his posession.   Yes, we've made eradication attempts, but I'm the first to admit they've been half-hearted. 

Could you bring tears to a face like this?  Seriously.

tend your bees & doom your flies

Last night was my first intro to my new calling as  Mia Maid advisor – Personal Progress interviews. To soften the general sighs and uggh’s, the YW President amused us all with this info from a time long gone.

In 1916, every female over fourteen was a Beehive girl until she entered the Relief Society; there were no Mia Maids or Laurels. The following are out of the 373 requirements possible for a Beehive girl to earn her awards:

1. Care successfully for a hive of bees for one season and know their habits.
2. Give the distinguishing characteristics of six varieties of hen and cattle and tell the good and weak points of each.
3. Exterminate the mosquitoes over an area of BD mile square by pouring a little kerosene on the surface of all standing pools of water twice each month during April, May, and June.
4. Make two articles of underwear by hand.
5. Cover 25 miles on snowshoes in any six days.
6. Learn to float in Great Salt Lake and propel yourself 50 feet.
7. During three consecutive months, abstain from candy, ice cream, commercially manufactures beverages, and chewing gum
8. For one month, masticate your food so thoroughly that it slips down without any visible effort at swallowing it.
9. Successfully put a new washer on a faucet.
10. Care for at least two kerosene lamps daily.
11. For three month, take care of milk and cream from at least one cow and see that the pails, pans, strainer, and separator are thoroughly cleansed.
12. During two weeks, keep the house free from flies or destroy at least 25 flies daily.
13. Have your toilet moved to an isolated place in the garden. Have a frame of chicken wire built about three feet away and plant a quick-growing vines such as cucumber or morning glories to screen it from observation.
14. Whitewash your toilet inside and out.
15. Know and describe three cries of a baby.
16. Without help or advice, care for and harness a team at least five times; drive them 50 miles during one season.
17. During two summer months, clean ice chest thoroughly twice a week.
18. Discover ten reasons why the Columbine should be the national flower.
19. Clear sagebrush off of an acre of land.
20. Know six blazes used by the Indians.

There you go…I think #8 cracked me up the most. Or perhaps #12. I can just imagine the daily mental fly tallies.

 

11 to go. 

Physical labor has never been my strong suit, so my Gratitude for the “now” multiplies when I consider life for women in other time periods. Clear sagebrush off an acre of land??! I complain about laundry being strenuous.

My book club met on Tuesday to discuss These is My Words. The conversation was amazing. Great insights on education, mothering (I need to write some of these down before I forget!), marriage, suffering…Life! A few quotables:

• “Taking up marriage is a good excuse for taking up cursing.”
• Speaking of her relationship with her sister-in-law: “Sisters under the skin closer than some by nature.”
• “I’d rather be around Jack in a bad mood than most other men when they’re trying to pay me a compliment.”
• “Education doesn’t keep a person from being a fool, and the lack of it doesn’t keep a person from being intelligent.”

Some of the ladies claimed a desire to live in the time & place of the book – AZ territories 1880’s to early 1900’s. I was stunned. I exited the book with a clear & strong Gratitude for physical ease. Yes, we have our battles, but our hands don’t have to be calloused and our chickens come plucked. I do sometimes wonder if it’s easier to lose your soul when the battles fought are more emotional & mental. Hard labor leaves little time for the kind of idleness that leads to Wandering of spirit or Squandering of talents. These women didn't sew or cook beautifully because it was a fun "hobby".  These talents emerged because they had to...life depended on it.  Perhaps there’s something to that. Perhaps that’s why Amy M.’s weekly projects call to me. Keep busy, expand Talents & continually improve your Haven.

Or simply pull on your snowshoes for 25 miles of Work. Start your sewing of a new bra. And definitely don’t forget the fly count.

cuddling A

Aidan is sick and the day was full of the rare brand of Aidan demands I love.  “Will you rub my back?”  “I really need someone to hold me. And I need popcorn.”  “Will you cuddle me?”  "Can you rub my head?"  Hardly permitted to baby this boy anymore, I heartily agreed to each request. 

Other conversation highlights:

Me: “You have a fever again.”

A: “Oh tartar sauce.”

LATER:

Me: “Davyn woke up.”

A: “Damn,” head hides under sheets, then eyes peak out, “is that what people say?”

Me: “Uh…no.” (Never heard that from me, I’m certain)

LATER:

We cuddled on my bed, and he found it all-too-convenient to get up for bathroom breaks.   “Mom I really need a toilet in my room. Why do you get one in yours?”

AND LATER:

Me: “Should we get a spiderman poster to go on D’s side of the room?”

A: Pause for thought, then, “No, we need a shower in here instead.”

The body is slow, but the mind ever-sharp in this tiny human today.  I’m swimming in the Calm, bracing for the familiar full body Energy of tomorrow.