where, oh where has my willpower gone?

In August I joined a gym.  I joined with multiple 10’s of pounds to lose and renewed conviction to get it done.  I love my gym.  I even – and this will amaze people who know me - had gym friends.  I’ve never been a group-goer of any kind, but loved going to classes with these ladies.  I discovered the joy of weights.  All work out energy in my pre-children life was dedicated to cardio, oh to have my own elliptical!  I would go to the gym with a good book and stay on the elliptical for over an hour.  But getting on an elliptical after three years and two children was a shock.  Fatigue set in after five minutes (after 1 ½ if I’m entirely honest)…but I persevered for 13 ½.  And died.  Not much of a workout, I know, but all that I could do at that point.  So I switched gears and discovered the euphoria that comes with building muscle.  I honestly imagined that all the hefting of extremely heavy children (21 lbs at 3 months X 2) had made me a strong woman.  Oh was I wrong.  I quickly discovered my true weakling status.  My legs probably have normal strength, but my arms fall far below.  And I’m not sure any muscle is left in what was once my stomach.

    

I kept up the routine through September & October (working up to 45 minutes on my bike!), but November undid me.  Who says a habit is made in 90 days?  My family came for Thanksgiving…and suddenly it’s two months later and I feel weak & flabby. 

January 1^st was a Monday and New Year’s Day, but it would be far too cliché to start up again on New Years Day, or a Monday for that matter.  So I waited.  A perfect 5:15 BodyPump class was starting today, but Jim tells me last minute he has an early meeting in Phoenix.  Oh, darn.  So I wait.  And I discover that there are hundreds of reasons not to work out.  My back hurts, I’m stuffed up, my boys are full of attitude, my house is a disaster, I’m tired, I can’t wake up early, I can’t go too late.  Yes, there are hundreds of reasons not to work out. 

My single reason to work out shrinks in comparison – I hate feeling fat.

Too bad that one reason is sometimes all-consuming.  I fixate & fixate and need to decide to either be happy chubby or totally commit to lose my excuses & my chub.  Sounds easy, but it isn’t.  What I don’t want is to spend my entire life in this battle of dissatisfaction.  Accept it or change it. 

My lost willpower must be resurrected, because I definitely prefer the latter option.  So…I’m going to leave my computer right now & ride my stationary bike.  I’ll let you know how long I last. 

Update on Tuesday, January 9, 2007 at 04:11PM by Amy

26 minutes...a start.  I actually could have gone longer, but my boys were beating each other in my absence.  Ah, the excuses continue...

Comments

[Mandi]

First off all, I am glad to see the kitty picture was taken off because I was shocked and horrified by it. Thank you. Second, I have faith that you will get back there again! You can do it! =)

[Mandy]

I am proud of your determination. I have lots of determination, it's just not being used for the right situation. I can finish a scrapbook page, clean my house, or run errands like you wouldn't believe, but exercise...

I really want to lose weight. I felt heavy before I got pregnant so my post baby body is not the one I have been dreaming about for sure. My weight has a drastic affect on me. It can shape my days and I hate that. I have been drinking water which is not one of my favorite things. We eat healthy lunches and dinners most of the time. I just need to get active.

Thanks for the inspiration! Good luck with your bike.

[Amy]

ya, Mandi, the kitty picture freaked me out, too. Unfortunately, SpongeBob is much more me.

[Megan]

In order to be successful at going to the gym you have to have the willpower to not let anything get in your way. I won't think about it, I'll put on my stretchy pants first thing out of bed in the morning, I'll wear the sports bra over the Victoria Secret one, and I'll drive mindlessly to the Y and before I know it I'm unloading the kids and working my butt off in a cycling class. So you see, it happens when you don't obsess over it, it's only when I think in my head how much I dread having to go, that I don't. Anyway, I don't know if that made much sense, in my little head it sure did.

[Emily]

Ahhh, exercise. I'm the exact same way. And you said it so very well, accept it or change it. I too don't want to spend the rest of my life going back and forth. Unfortunately my list of excuses just keeps growing and with my hubs now being gone more I have one more to add to the list. If only blogging could tone my midsection! Way to go on the bike you've really got me wanting to get busy and change it. Thanks for the inspiration!

[Kelly]

I think my problem is that I have never had any will power to wonder where it has gone. I could write volumes on how I feel about this. I am dreadfully unhappy with the current state of my body, but I haven't been able to get it together to do something about it. Keith has started running and lifting weights. And while he certainly had no need of losing weight (wants to gain it, actually), I can tell his arms are a different shape than they used to be. And, I feel a little jealous that I didn't start with him so that I might be seeing some results, too. But, I come up with new excuses all the time. It's never been an enjoyable thing for me (exercise), and I really wonder if you can learn to love it. I daydream about being a runner, but it's so foreign that I just am kind of lost. And, when I do, I am rather horrified by the amount of flopping flab I can feel. So, I find slow, careful movements more enjoyable. I've got to do something. I am freaked out by gym daycares, so I can't do that. We have exercise equipment at home and a road outside, so I have no excuse.

[Anna]

Isn't it interesting to find so many women who can totally relate to the exercise excuses. I can...as I can think of hundreds of excuses myself. Good for you for getting on your bike today...that is more than I have done and I have a community gym across the street from my house...that is practically empty 24 hours a day!

[Judy Naegle]

The simple question is, "Do we love our future enough to do today what MUST be done in order to secure a better, healthier, slimmer tomorrow?" Ha! Easier said than done, but still a serious question to contemplate. It's the old proverbial journey of 1000 miles beginning with the single step,and then the next, and the next.... BUT the ultimate exercise is the mental one of going forward and backward. What advice would you give to your 25 year old self or your 30 year old? This is really good to do...talk to a four or five year YOUNGER version of you/yourself, advise her, and then scoot to a five to ten year OLDER version of the precious person that is YOU and ask for her advice. Listen carefully. She will tell you the truth and encourage you to the place of peace and confidence, of security, happiness, health and perfect weight. The answers are within.

[rebecca]

Man, I had a whole little paragraph formulating until I read that last comment by Judy Naegle. Perfect! and WOW! Can I approach her with some other life issues, please?

[Amy]

Kel, do you remember when we used to do Callanetics... you only had to move like an inch on any given exercise. Too funny. That's my speed. But I honestly love exercise when I get going...it's the getting going that is soooooooo hard for me.

Megs - you (and Mandi!) are my workout heroes. Thank you for the advice. I still don't exactly have a butt to work off, but other body parts gone would make me quite happy.

& Aunt Judy - thank you (once again) for giving me something to think about. There is definite power to that exercise. Just thinking about what I'd tell the 25-year-old Amy gives me direction. I'll have to spend some time on that concept. Rebecca's comment cracked me up...you really do need to start your own blog that we can come to for wisdom!

[Susan]

What is it with queen creek. When I was nursery leader we had 120 kids in nursery. Is queen creek like where everyone wants to live and then have lots of babies. I was not able to teach the children though. I stayed in the halls and helped when I was need or if there was an emergency.

[jenny]

I think that is why I don't have a gym membership. I would feel all too guilty about not going. And the excuses would be endless. I guess that is why I just exercise outside. So way to go getting on the bike! I don't know if I would have lasted that long.

[Annalisa]

Lifting burns lots of calories so keep lifting too. 26 minutes on the bike is good. Sometimes we overwork ourselves in the beginning, get burned out, and quit, so just keep with the 1/2 hour sessions. I only run about 20 minutes a day, usually not more than 30.
Also, don't go more than 3 hours without eating. It messes up your metabolism and then you are too tired to workout. Being hungry is a good thing. It means you're working through your food instead of saving it.
Last spring, I got my husband's adjustable dumbbells and my ball and at night while I watched TV started lifting. I couldn't even lift a bar or do a pushup when I started but I lost 8% body fat and toned up.
Now I go to the gym out of habit, but before if I had to leave my house I would have come up with excuses. And I hate treadmills, but running outside I could go at my own pace.
It's true about not thinking about it. You can always talk yourself out of it. With my insomnia if I think about it, I stay home and regret it. I get up and put on my gym clothes so I have to go. I don't want to admit defeat and take them off without working out.
I hate working out in January because it's busy. I lost 20 pounds in the last 18 months (probably 30 when you count the muscle I put on) and went from lazy me, hate my body, to I have to workout. Keep it up!

[Judy Naegle]

Amy girl, if I knew how to start a blog, I probably would. Remember, I'm from the generation of the technologically impaired who fear the unknown recesses of the computer...

Now to Rebecca, you may come to me about anything...since I have one foot inching towards the grave and a tally sheet that spans a decade past the half century mark, perhaps I might have something of value tucked away in my arsenal of life's experiences...who knows? Often free advice is worth what we pay for it...

Here's a thought for the day which I just put in a writing I'm doing on "HOPE," and which was born in my heart and mind when I taught American Literature and discussed those courageous individuals (Puritans and Pilgrims) who came to America with only a dream, but were met with devastating hardships. We all have our dreams and our own hardships, so perhaps this can be a comfort to someone.

"Hold to the possibility of the dream without despairing at the reality." Dwell in possibilities.

[Mandi]

Hi Aunt Judy -- you are great! I wish I were as smart as you and Amy! =)

Kelly - I used to think that about daycares at the gym too, but then I started going to a smaller gym and I'm really impressed with them and my girls have not gotten sick from it once and it's been about 9 months of consistently going. They can live through anything as long as you anti-bacterial their hands before leaving (and believe me, I'm freaky about my children - just ask my sisters who sometimes think I'm crazy). So throw that excuse out the window! I've also found it to be a good sanity-saver for me since I get anywhere from an hour to two hours a day away from my children and they get to play in a new place with new kids. It works out well on both sides. My kids ask to go to the gym everyday.

[Kelly]

Is anyone else willing to sign a petition to get Judy a blog?? I would happily set one up for her, if I could benefit from her daily wisdom.

Hmm, Mandi. I might have to reconsider. I took my kids to the gym once and one was in tears when I picked them up, one was fine, and they couldn't find the other one. I never tried again.

[Annalisa]

I'll sign your petition Kelly.

[Judy Naegle]

Oh, Mandi girl, you are every bit as smart as any one. All of my nieces are brilliant! The comments I read on Amy's blog demonstrate a refershing brilliance in the young women in Amy's nurturing circle. How blessed you all are to have each other, and to share on such a regular basis.

We all are our own unique "smart," that which is a combination of book learning, life's experiences, God-given gifts, and an "infinite capacity for hard work." That's actually what Thomas Carlyle said the definition of genius is...good old hard work. He also said that "A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge." So, my darling, you have the loving heart, and I know you know how to work...walk gently into your exquisite future.

I'm simply hooting my head off at the contemplating of petition signing, but I'd gladly do it, if I knew how... you girls are toooooooo cute for words.....

[Mandi]

Kelly - that's pretty scary - I wouldn't have gone back either! My gym is a small one, though, so they only accept like 15-20 kids at a time so that's reassuring that they won't lose any!

Thanks, Aunt Judy. Love the quotes.

[sista #2]

I think it's easier to get out the door to the gym -if meeting a friend there! But I think it's easier to work out at home -no drive time, no chit chat time, private. Not to mention -wearing whatever you feel like -at home!haha
Obviously, you're not alone on this one!have a great day -ciao