on the first and last of Crush
Sunday, January 28, 2007 at 08:48PM 
I was positively serious when I stated on my List of 100 that Ralph Waldo Emerson was a crush. But he was not my first.
My first crush was named Dylan. He lived across the street. I regularly danced in my second floor bedroom, brush microphone in hand, singing, “Hopelessly Devoted to You” as I looked out the window at this dirty 9-year-old boy whose stringy brown bangs (yes, bangs) hid half his face. The longing was enough. I know that because the ideal shattered one day when his friend shouted across the street, “Dylan loves you.” Dylan thought he was well-hidden behind a nearby tree. Terrified, I ran inside and stopped listening to Grease.
The next crush was Clay Ross. I’m not sure how or if it’s done these days, but at Sandpiper Elementary School in 1986, the trend was a strictly no-contact “going out”. The Friend approached me at recess with the query, “Will you go out with Clay?” A few notes, Valentine’s chocolates dropped at my door, one awkward kiss and more notes from angry little girls who wanted Clay for their own. When the break-up news was delivered by the Friend, I breathed a sigh of jilted relief.
I laugh to think of the silly agony of crushing. I choke the laughter as I consider the inevitable upcoming crushes of my own boys. Aidan is starting young, already enmeshed in his first crush - Miss Wendy, the preschool teacher. He came home from classes with her name constantly on his lips. But I didn't "get it" until...She came to Nursery to do music one Sunday and Aidan sat still, in his seat, arms folded, eyes beaming, mouth smiling, staring in adoration for the ENTIRE music time. This might be normal for some children. Not Aidan. Typical nursery music stance: defiance.
This obviously bizarre behavior in our boy gave us pause…there was Power to be seized here. So the next Sunday we tapped that power. Aidan refused to wear a vest over his Sunday shirt. Until…“Miss Wendy will Love that vest.” Defiance disappeared. Oh yes, Miss Wendy now likes Aidan to eat his veggies, organize his toys, and be nice to his brother. Is it wrong to abuse the crush power?…all too much temptation in times of desperation.
Unlike his mom, Aidan has proven to be a crusher of Action. No friends or distant love for him. He wants to bring Miss Wendy presents. The latest conversation:
I want to make a book for Ms. Wendy.
What kind of book?
“The Lion King.”
Is that what you think she’d like?
Pensive, face lights up, “No, a Princess book!”
Questioning how Miss Wendy would feel about an Aidan-manufactured princess book, I convinced him to switch gift gears into the realm of edible. Cupcakes were decided. The batter was approved. Frosting tasted and tested. Chocolate heart toppers in the works. The chocolate in the bag was piping hot, so as I misshaped the first few hearts, Aidan’s brow was furrowed with concern.
“Um. Those are ugly hearts. Miss Wendy won't like them. She’ll probably just give them back to us," voice tension heightening, lip on the verge of quiver..."and then she won’t have any presents.”
I convinced him the hearts were fine. He glowed as we delivered the goods. I wish I had captured the look on his face as we drove away, and I wish I had captured the smile of my Last crush in the driver’s seat. While Miss Wendy is truly amazing, I know that Aidan will sometime discover that Last is Infinitely better than First in some regards.
Reader Comments (13)
My first crush? A toehead nerd with glasses, something akin to Ralph in Christmas Story. And sure enough, the day he confessed his love to me in front of the whole class and tried to kiss me as I bent backwards over my chair in horror to avoid him, the crush was gone.
Kelly might want to be a little more suspicious of her girls. Who knows what secret crushes lurk inside her girls' hearts.
It will be interesting if not scary to see if Ryley emerges as a flirt or very shy, like her Mom. Josh is prepared for those days, though. He and his friend, Ted will be waiting with shot guns.
I'm glad you liked the cards and napkins I sent. For some reason, the napkins looked like something you would like, though I have no real info to base that on.
Annie Dillard, oh yes yess yes!
No I don't think abusing the crush power is wrong, I say abuse every power you can with kids, especially the stubborn ones.
I loved the account of the old crushes. It brings back a lot of memories. I remember my first "boyfriend". He met me in front of the girl's bathroom and asked me if I wanted to "go with him". I said yes and we never spoke again. I found out over the summer he had moved away. Great relationship! (Not that different than most of my relationships). :)
I think you are completely justified in abusing his crush on Miss Wendy. It is quite adorable. He will enjoy reading this post when he is older.