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    Tuesday
    Feb202007

    bits & pieces

    Bits & pieces of the half-hatched thoughts I'm too tired to explore -

    My mom teaches English.  I used to teach English.  Sometimes in my at-home-house-mess-children-crazed status I am jealous of her present that was my past.  Today I came in to help introduce Hiroshima and Japanese poetry. The full day of work had an effect opposite of what I anticipated.  Jim admitted the same.  He expected me to come home to him with some wild scheme of going back to work part-time (at least).   Instead I craved my boys.  A good lesson.  Thank you, Cyndee for helping me remember how blessed I am to be with them always.  More charm than Japanese poetry.  Who would have guessed. 

    Last Friday I bought War and Peace for $2.12 at Half-Price Books.  While I love large leather-bound keepsakes, stained paperback versions do have a charm all their own.  $2.12 for weeks of entertainment and a lifetime of thought (I'm hoping).  Crazy.

    Bought a copy of The New Yorker today.  How could I forget how much I love this magazine?

    Weekend at the Dunes:  riding into camp on a quad, too many eyes staring, forgetting how to break, plowing into tables & chairs, nearly knocking down Jared & Shanon's awning (or my head).  How is it in my "blank mind state", I managed to duck to save my head but couldn't figure out how to stop before that was even necessary?  Great time to commit to Pause.   Perhaps I'll stick to the Arctic Cat.  Here's to hoping that Jim will be my forever chaueffer. 

    Disneyland in 7 days!  But I'm feeling twinges of guilt for leaving Davyn behind.  I can't imagine four days without his tiny kisses.  Please confirm to me that Aidan alone is the best choice for the trip.  

    And then there's missing Jim...perhaps I could plot for him to come too.  Ughh..My friend Becca once gave me a quote:  My mind is not a bed to be made and remade.  How I wish this were true.  She must have known I needed encouraging to the Steady. So often ruled by vacillation.

    Friday
    Feb162007

    tribute to presidents past

    President’s Day is on Monday, so I wanted to post my favorite stories about some of my favorite people before I left town today since we won’t be back until late that night.  Most of these stories come from an amazing book titled Founding Fathers: Uncommon Heroes. I think it should have a place in every home.

    prayer_at_valley_forge_450w.jpg

    First would have to be George Washington. There are so many reasons why I admire this man, so many stories to tell that choosing one is difficult. But I love these that illustrate his humility. Unfortunately, humility is the antithesis of what we sometimes consider the political norm. All too often we picture men vying for power and position.

    George Washington was an exact opposite of that image. Never was there a man who liked the idea of public acclaim less. After leading a successful campaign in the French and Indian War, he was elected to the House of Burgesses. When he took his seat, the Speaker of the House thanked him publicly for his services to his country. Washington [always polite!] rose to reply, but he was so unable to talk about himself, that he stood before the House stammering and stuttering. The speaker finally said, “Sit down, Mr. Washington; your modesty equals your valor, and that surpasses the power of any language I possess.”

    Washington’s charisma continually won respect and obedience. In fact, in the midst of the chaos that quilted the country after defeating the British but before establishing a firm idea of what good government meant, Washington’s devoted soldiers and military officers thought it best to take over the government, storm congress by force is necessary, and set their beloved general up as king. Washington reacted by saying, “…no occurrence in the course of the war has given me more painful sensations than your information of there being such ideas existing in the army…and which I must view with abhorrence and reprehend with severity…I am much at a loss to conceive what part of my conduct could have given encouragement to an address which to me seems big with the greatest mischiefs which can befall my country…You could not have found a person to whom your schemes are more disagreeable”.

    john-adams.jpg

    John Adams, our second president, was a man of unparalleled conviction (sometimes a reason he really wasn't well-liked by others). He fervently believed that America should be free, and was never afraid to stick to his beliefs to bring that freedom to fruition.

    This was evident after “Boston Massacre” of 1770. Quick review of what happened: a riot began when a number of drunken, angry Bostonians threatened some soldiers with clubs and sticks. The British officer in charge brought several soldiers to his assistance. The crowd grew to about 400 and was pressing close to the soldiers. The soldiers fired into the crowd, killing five Americans. Speechmakers of the day invented the name “Boston massacre.” Nine soldiers were jailed and charged with murder. The country was fired up. No lawyer in Boston dared to touch their case.

    Adams knew that the British had fired in self-defense. He also knew that without adequate counsel, they would surely be executed. Even though he detested the British occupation, John Adams consented to represent the soldiers in court. Friends warned Adams that the case would destroy him. But his sense of justice compelled him to take it on despite the ridicule, censure and much sarcasm that came his way. He won complete acquittal for the soldiers and because of his strong convictions gained the reputation for being a man of true character and a lawyer with the highest principles.

    tommyjefferson.jpg

    "One day, as President Thomas Jefferson was riding along one of the highways leading into Washington, he overtook a stranger who was making his way toward the city on foot. He drew up his horse and greeted the man, as was his custom. The traveler returned his greeting, and they immediately launched into a political discussion. (People talked as freely about politics back then as we do about the weather now.)

    Not realizing whom he was addressing, the man indulged in some unkind remarks about the President, referring to several indecent and slanderous accusations which his political opponents had recently printed in the newspapers. Jefferson’s first impulse was to bid the fellow a good day and ride on, but he was held by his amusement at the situation. After listening a few more minutes, he asked the stranger whether he knew the President personally.

    “No,” said the man, “nor do I wish to.”

    “But do you think it fair,” Jefferson asked, “to repeat such stories about a man whom you dare not face?”

    “I will never shrink from meeting Mr. Jefferson should he ever come my way.”

    “Will you go to his house tomorrow at ten o’clock and be introduced to him, if I promise

    to meet you there at that hour?”

    He agreed after a moment’s thought. Jefferson then excused himself, touched his hat to the traveler, and rode away toward Washington.

    When the man appeared at the Executive Mansion the next morning, a servant answered the door and escorted him down a hall to President Jefferson’s office. As he came face to face with the President, he suddenly realized what had happened. Greatly embarrassed, but with gentlemanly bearing, he managed to say, “I have called, Mr. Jefferson, to apologize for having said to a stranger”—

    “Hard things of an imaginary being who is no relation of mine,” interrupted Jefferson. He gave the man his hand and a warm, good-natured smile.

    The red-faced visitor turned out to be a merchant of high standing from Kentucky, and Jefferson insisted that he stay for dinner so they could become better acquainted. He did stay, and was quickly won over to the President he had unknowingly insulted the day before.

    From that day forward the merchant and his family were “fiery Jeffersonians.” Like so many other Americans, they quickly acquired a sincere affection for this tall, soft-spoken statesman from Virginia—and a deep commitment to the principles of freedom that he advocated."

    madison.jpg

    We don’t hear as much about James Madison, the 4th President, but he was impassioned about freedom. First a picture of this man…he was only 5 feet 6 inches tall and never weighed much more than 100 pounds. In fact, before they were married, Dolly wrote to a friend, calling him “the Great little Madison.”

    “He sometimes got so excited when speaking about the Constitution that he finally asked a friend to tug at his coat tails if he became too wrought up. Once, after talking himself to the point of exhaustion, Madison reproved his friend, ‘Why didn’t you pull me when you heard me going on like that?’ The friend replied, ‘I would rather have laid a finger on the lightening!’” Lightening and thunder out of this small man! He was thrilled at the concept of freedom and it was evident in every part of his small frame. Madison also knew that only a righteous people can have true freedom. He openly claimed that “The aim of every political constitution is, or ought to be…to obtain for rulers men who possess most wisdom to discern, and most virtue to pursue, the common good of society.”

    A Presidents Day thank you to these lives of conviction & faith that paved the way for our lives of Freedom. 

    Thursday
    Feb152007

    roller coaster

     

    I had no plans to post today. It has been one of those days where you look back and realize you should have just covered your head & stayed in *the cozy* of the bed. And on the heels of such a lovely Love day. I hope I'm not alone in this, but some days I just really don’t want to be a person. A pencil or a postcard, please. I think nearly everyone I encountered today would have liked to see me magic wanded into inanimate. I’m not one to sit & suffer silently. Oh no, this girl leaves a path of destruction in her wake. Or sometimes that’s how I feel. My poor littles got the brunt of Mom’s bad mood today. They were holy terrors, but as I sit now, I honestly wonder if they merely stumbled on my cue cards that were dropped along the rampage road. Settled in spirit, I want to go in their rooms to love & reassure. But, with the I-couldn’t-face-it reality of them possibly waking up, I refrain.

    It confuses me. Yesterday I knew I had the best life in the world. And it’s not that I’ve been barraged by any *bad* today. My life is still the same pile of circumstances & events, but all a little dulled.

    So here I am. Trying to remember the good. And wondering why we have to polish so often to maintain that sheen.

    I think yesterday was honestly the most enjoyably memorable Valentine’s day I’ve had. Dinner done, kids in bed, Jim & I were flipping between VH-1 & CMT Greatest Love Song countdowns. This spurred us into reminiscing about the music that brought us together. In our “just friends” stage, we used to spend hours in his truck listening to music and talking, arguing over lyrics, ignoring all the feelings evoked between us. Last night we were largely horrified by the countdowns on t.v., and decided to make a Top 10 Love Songs list of our own. The party, of course, moved to the office, where we looked up & listened to all of our favorites. A true trip through so so many memories.  I think every couple should do this together.

    Here was our Top 10 (arrived at with much conversation & narrowing):

    1. Southwestern State by 7 Mary 3

    2. In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel

    3. Raining in Baltimore by Counting Crows

    4. Crazy by Dave Matthews Band

    5. Hang by Matchbox 20

    6. All I Want is You by U2

    7. Unbreak My Heart by Toni Braxton

    8. Every Little Thing She Does is Magic by The Police

    9. Black by Pearl Jam

    10. Don’t Follow by Alice in Chains

    Ya, I know that some of these are the opposite of a traditionally categorized “Love Song”, but we have to pay tribute to the fact that much of our pre-marriage “together” was spent in the lovely state of “not”. These are the songs that are Ours, the raw Us really. Especially “Southwestern State”. If you’ve never listed to that one by 7 Mary 3, do. I think the commonality of all of these songs is tugging,hungry,crazy emotion.

    Perhaps that’s why I can have this amazing night followed by a hellish day. Tugging,hungry,crazy emotional has its price. Perhaps.

    Oh, I need to add a few bits of GOOD, GOOD NEWS.

    1. What really got me to sit down in front of the computer tonight was an e-mail from my friend Sheri, who started a blog! Yay. I am truly excited about this. I met Sheri in Cub Scouts. We were both in our late 20’s, recently married, hugely pregnant and due within a few weeks of each other. And a quick 18 months later we both had baby #2. Those were crazy years…jumping into motherhood with breath held, hoping for the best. We were both busy and never did too much together, but somehow still managed to feel a strong sense of “kindred”. She is the one person from that ward who I’ve missed since we moved a year and a half ago. We were together when we started our families. That carries a special kind of importance to me. I am crazy excited to keep up with her life in this new forum.

    2. I got a beautiful Valentine’s Card from Amy M. I am continually amazed by her. Thank you, Amy.

    3. Annalisa sent me & my boys some great Good Mail. Alexis’s artwork on the front of the package was beyond cute.  She sent my boys a monkey card game (that they LOVE).  She sent me a notepad & sticky pad with gel pens.  The pattern on the pad was 100% Amy.  It amazes me that we get such true glimpses of each other in this strange world of blogging.  Thank you, Annalisa & Alexis.

    DSC01849.JPG

     

    Judy talked about this roller coaster of high's & low's in one of her posts.  I'll link it here because there was some sound advice to those prone to high high's and low low's (tell me I'm not alone!). 

    I won't run the risk of waking the littles, but after my pause to write about last night's loveliness, I think I do need to wake up my Jim to apologize forthe "not fun" phone calls of the day.  I love him.  I love them.  I just need to polish daily. 

    Wednesday
    Feb142007

    to my Valentine

    valentine.jpg
     
    I visited La Sebastiana, the Valparaiso home of Pablo Neruda, in the summer of 2000.  The poem he dedicated to this home stopped my breath, and it was then I first envisioned our own future home and union, first built of Air (dreams, hopes), then pounded (sometimes painfully) into reality.  Over the years we've built foundation, raised our banner, breathed life into the walls of this kingdom that is Us.  I want to continue, to build & grow, remodel in the "need"...to await the spring blooms with you Eternally.  Oh yes, it's worth the Work. 
     
    Yo Construí La Casa
     
    La hice primero de aire

    Luego subí en el aire la bandera
    y la dejé colgada del firmamento,
    de la estrella, de la claridad y de la oscuridad.

    Cemento, hierro, vidrio
    eran la fábula,
    valían más que el trigo y como el oro,
    había que buscar y que vender,
    y así llegó un camión:
    bajaron sacos
    y más sacos
    la torre se agarró a la tierra dura
    -- pero, no basta, dijo el Constructor,
    falta cemento, vidrio, puertas--,

    Pero crecía,
    crecían las ventanas
    y con poco, con pegarle al papel y trabajar
    y arremeterle con rodilla y hombro
    iba a crecer hasta llegar a ser,
    hasta poder mirar por la ventana;
    y parecía que con tanto saco
    pudiera tener techo y subiría
    y se agarrara, al fin, de la bandera
    que aún colgaba del cielo sus colores.

    Me dediqué a las puertas más baratas,
    a las que habían muerto
    y habían sido echadas de sus casas,
    puertas sin muro, rotas,
    amontonadas en demoliciones,
    puertas ya sin memoria,
    sin recuerdo de llave,
    y yo dije: "venid a mí,
    puertas perdidas:
    os daré casa y muro
    y mano que golpea,
    oscilaréis de nuevo abriendo el alma,
    custodiaréis el sueño de Matilde
    con vuestras alas que volaron tanto".

    Entonces la pintura llegó también
    lamiendo las paredes,
    las vistió de celeste y de rosado
    para que se pusieran a bailar.
    Así la torre baila,
    cantan las escaleras y las puertas,
    sube la casa hasta tocar el mástil,
    pero falta dinero:
    faltan clavos,
    faltan aldabas, cerraduras de mármol.
    Sin embargo, la casa
    sigue subiendo
    y algo pasa,
    un latido circula en sus arterias:
    es tal vez un serrucho que navega
    como un pez en el agua de los sueñoa
    o un martillo que pica
    como alevoso cóndor carpintero
    las tablas del pinar que pisaremos.

    Algo pasa y la vida continúa

    La casa crece y habla
    se sostiene en sus pies,
    tiene ropa colgada en un andamio,
    y como por el mar la Primavera
    nadando como náyade marina
    besa la arena de Valparaíso,

    Ya no pensemos más: ésta es la casa:

    ya todo lo que falta será azul,

    lo que ya necesita es florecer.

    Y eso es trabajo de la primavera.
     
    Not the typical love poem, I suppose.  But, not the typical Love.  Thank you for being mine, through work, through wait, through laughs, through tears...I love you.
     
    Tuesday
    Feb132007

    "it" again...

     

    Jenny tagged me to write 6 things that make me happy...a very easy task today.

    • 7 people agreed to join me reading War and Peace.
    • Tonight I saw one of my former nursery kids. He was calling me something I couldn’t quite understand. Finally I realized he was saying “church mom”. “Church mom, come look at my new car.” “Church mom, I was sick yesterday.” He got a big hug for melting my pre-Valentine’s Day heart.
    • Good Mail from JoDee. JoDee is my oldest sister, and Good Mail is not a new concept to her by any means. She always remembers birthdays, holidays and just because.  She sent a present for Davyn and some very fun Valentine’s goodies, all stolen away before I could snap a picture.
    • Good Mail from Lelly.  My first Valentine's Card!  So sweet.
    • Good Mail from Lisa.  She sent a darling card, a blank notebook (my pen was hungry for), gum!, sunflower seeds to plant, a listmaker's dream magnet pad (yes, it's divided into the days of the week), and a chocolate that didn't quite make the photo session.   DSC01839.JPG
    • Good Mail from Megan.  This was actually Good Mail from Talin & Colin to Aidan & Davyn.  The boys were thrilled - pencils, fake tattoos, candy & cute Valentine's from their cousins.DSC01840.JPG

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Hmm...I tag JoDee & Megan