52 Blessings

Life.

I have seen it begin a few times. And each has been profound. I was 20 the first time. Big-eyed at BYU, dreaming of all the possibilities Ahead. And I know it was incredibly non-BYU-ish of me, but marriage & children were not the primary landmarks on that vista. October of my 3^rd year, and I flew home to Arizona. My JoDee was having her first baby. Cyndee & I spent hours pacing the hospital halls. Taking turns visiting Jo. And when Andersyn finally made her way into the world, I became a different person. A dramatic statement, perhaps, but it really was true. I looked at this entirely dependent, wide-eyed babe, something clicked, clarity came and I saw the world in its simplest beauty. Knowing innately that this was what life was all about. Not classes and papers and study abroad and internships.

We are perfected through our relationships. I knew then & there that only as a Mother would I be able to shed enough of my selfish self to progress and grow. Only through Loving another human heart & soul.

Since then, I’ve been bedside to a laboring Gina, Megan and Mandi. I love all of these women. They are my sisters and my best friends. Of course, there was the unforgiveable moment during Megan’s first birth when Mandi fainted because she hadn’t eaten all day. The doctors made us both leave. The consolation prize was sitting in the corridor sipping apple juice & crunching crackers. (I only forgave Mandi when she meekly held my throw-up container as I dry heaved my way through birthing Aidan. That kind of service can wipe away just about any wrong!)

A few weeks ago I felt blessed again as I watched Miss Reagan meet the world. The poor girl was as shell-shocked as any veteran of war. It struck me that these babies really are torn from the most comfortable crib in creation…straight into bright lights, cold air, and plenty of noise. But I love how she finally calmed. Nurses were cleaning, measuring, poking, prodding. I couldn’t take my eyes off her, and even attempted to comfort her with words and a warm hand, but she cried on. Until Nate came over and spoke. She instantly calmed, straining…listening. This minutes old baby definitely knew the sound of her dad. She’ll learn Aunt Amy over time, but it was beyond sweet to witness that little moment…the first of many that will melt my heart, no doubt.

I’m grateful for Birth...Life..and the opportunity to witness its pain & joy from a different perspective. 

Comments

[Rachel]

Amy that was just BEAUTIFUL!! You put it all just so perfectly! I can't even respond properly because you have said it all. Thank you for the beautiful post.

[Neighbor Jane Payne]

So beautifully and powerfully written, Amy. "We are perfected through our relationships" is so true. I loved "shed my selfish soul", too. Thank you for writing something so perfect.

[Tiffany]

What an amazing experience for you and your sisters. Beautiful--thank you...

[Vella]

Amy -- Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones racing through my own body, but I cried through this entire post. I loved it. Congrats to Mandi and Nate.

[April]

A humble "amen" from over here.

And an equally humble, "I miss you."

[Mandi]

That was beautiful and made me tear up as well. Isn't it amazing how these little ones bring perspective into our lives? Thank you for being there for Reagan's birth and sorry about the fainting bit -- I would have to agree that catching your throw-up erased anything bad I ever had done to you. =) I'm thinking that I need to witness a birth because my only chances were with Megan (where we got kicked out) and yours with Aidan where Dr. Tutt kicked me out because A's shoulders were so big and stressful to deliver. I'm missing out on something big, I'm thinking.

[Mandi]

Oh, and at three and a half weeks old, Reagan still stops everything and strains to look around when she hears Nate. She loves her daddy - I wasn't kidding when I was pregnant and said she loved her dad's voice!

[Marie]

Beautiful thoughts about birth. It really is an amazing experience. So great you have been a part of it so many times!

[carlo]

your writing style is so perfect. how lucky to have you in the room and for you to journal it.

happy day!

[Katie]

Again, another fantasitc blessing to be documented and never taken for granted.

[Kelly]

I remember when you came back from Andee's birth a changed woman. I'm amazed at how many times you've experienced this. What a gift that is. Besides my own, I have only been there for Beth's sister Shannon's first baby's birth. Why did they let me in??

[Amberly]

amy, thanks for the reminder today to be grateful for these little miracles and the trauma they go through to come and bless our lives. as awful as giving birth is (I say that lovingly!), it is all made better when we hold those precious souls. thank you.

[Megan]

Watching someone give birth is so amazing, I was seventeen when I saw Jo deliver Madee, beyond incredible. I worshipped JoDee for quite awhile after that, wow.

[Lucy]

Of course I wish you were posting more, but I'll take your words about your blessings any day. Yes. Birth. A mighty blessing.

[Angie]

I was teary by the end too (and unlike Vella, there are none of that kind of hormones here). Such a sweet, true post. Very well expressed.

Then I got to Kel's post and laughed. So funny! Why DID they let her in? Of course, I'd probably let her in.

[Elizabeth]

So beautifully expressed. I have only been at my own. How special you have been there for your sisters.

[michelle]

This is so beautiful! I have not attended any births but my own, what a treasured experience. And I have often thought that only motherhood could have made me "shed my selfish soul".