it's over!
Today was Aidan’s end of the year preschool program. I smiled as they recited the Preamble to the Constitution, stumble-mumbling over unfamiliar phrases like “domestic tranquility” and “general welfare”. I beamed as he did his “part” saying the words to “Hey Diddle Diddle” that he had effortlessly memorized after one reading from me. And I fought a leaden lump in my middle when other kids’ laughter after his recitation completely changed his demeanor. He went from smiles to this:
And it wasn’t any huge deal that anyone noticed. But I know my boy…and I knew what this face meant for his insides.
Preschool has been a mixed bag. With most of the *lessons* being social rather than ABC oriented. And the social lessons crush my heart. I debated long over whether to pull him out around February because he dreaded going daily (and I really don’t think preschool is a necessity). “Boys are mean.” “I hate school.” “I don’t feel good.” “No one likes me.” But his teacher assured me that nothing out of the ordinary was going on and the lesson of sticking with & pushing through despite seemed too important (not sure if that decision was wrong or right even now). Still. It’s an arrow in the heart to watch the sinking of sky-high self-esteem. To watch the birth of self-doubt. To not be able to *fix* it all. With a kiss. Or a band-aid.
And it hurts double to know that so, so much, much more is waiting to be faced.
There's a definite and high price to being a Thinker and a Feeler. I watch the difference between Aidan (who thinks & feels & internalizes) and Davyn (who breezes through life with a smile). This is one of the Big battles of life, in my mind. Believing in yourself. Despite. And not just for a 4-year-old boy. I consider myself. Sometimes I feel the quiet Confidence of who I am. And sometimes that lasts for a long while. But sometimes I flounder and second guess anything & everything that others say…anything & everything that I say. I want to help my Aidan find more of the former than the latter. To cure this human foible once and for all. Because it hurts far more to feel it for him than for my own self.
Reader Comments (25)
I'm glad Aidan made it through pre-school and gets an entire summer of carefree!
Have a good last free summer before school begins!
Children are so confident of themselves, that watching those first seeds of self doubt is heart breaking. "NO! Don't listen to them! You're wonderful!"
I don't at all understand the kids laughter. Why did they laugh when he recited it beautifully? And even if he didn't, where are THOSE kids parents and why aren't they teaching them kindness and compassion? *sigh*
I agree - our Father in Heaven must have similar feelings as He watches us stumble and bumble through, knowing that He could swoop in and fix all that's amiss, but having greater perspective, He doesn't always play the part of the fixer. Recognizing that Heavenly Father must have similar parent feelings makes me feel even closer to Him. Thank goodness He understands us! And our children, too.
Your pictures captured the day perfectly. And I am SO impressed that they can recite the Preamble! I wish that were less a surprise and more of an expectation. My mom said they repeated it each day when she was in school. Wish we did that, too... Hmmm, that may be a good thing to work on in our family!
I am rambling. It's just fun to pop by and say hello! Have a great weekend!
can insert ME or my kids into your post and it wouldn't change! It is so hard sometimes.
feeling. breezing.
failing. soaring.
of course, there is no way to avoid any of these. no way to choose when to fail and when to soar. no way to know if the Confidence will be fleeting. or if it will carry us another day.
and so especially hard when the thinking/doing/feeling/breezing/failing/soaring is not ours, but our childrens. yet they will stumble-mumble through it like we have before them. and we will absolutely Know, after all, that this is how it was meant to be.
you've managed to say it just so. thank you!
I do love this boy's smile.
Well, hopefully, the smiles will last all summer long and into the next school year.
(That Miss Reagan is adorable!)