tough enough?

Aidan’s in an age of a million questions. And he stumps me continually. At three he already knows that Mom doesn’t have all the answers. Doesn’t that enlightenment usually come much later? Another question that leaves my mind blank.

On Friday he managed to truly stump beyond stump me. “Mom, are you tough?” It wasn’t that I didn’t know the answer to this one, but how could I tell my all-boy-oldest-adventure-seeking-dad-worshipping son that his mom is a likely candidate for the Wimpiest Mom on the Planet. And - for those who don’t know me - this is not an exaggeration. In fact, I’m sure family & friends will quickly post their amen’s to the statement.

I think about this often. I’ve been given two life-loving boys. They are drawn to dirt, transpose any stick to instant sword, imagine their play set into pirate ship or castle daily, beam at the sight of a tractor, want skateboards (not yet, please!), live for dune trips & quads, watch football with dad…just the beginning, really. And I pretty much don’t do any of the above. I’m adventurous in many ways, but in None that involve the possibility of lost limbs or weeping wounds. Water skiing, snow skiing, snow boarding, sports playing, rock climbing, hiking, quad riding, sword fighting…all Frighten me (note the capital F).

So, here is where I find the dilemma. Jim loves all such…has sacrificed much of this since linking lives with a Wimp, in fact. I selfishly accepted his resignation of much-loved-activities, but then came the boys. Their personalities have emerged and it’s painfully obvious that they’re mini-Jim’s. Now I cringe at the thought that my littles will grow up & remember doing everything they love with Dad, but where was Mom? Of course I’ll be there – on the sidelines – but will they remember that background inaction?  My adventure-seeking needs to go beyond relegation to books and travel. This need was highlighted when I saw Price Cream Parlor’s Christmas card post. I know her only through her blog, but that card spoke volumes about the type of Boy Mom she is with her 4 little men. It just appears that they adventure Together.

Yes, I know. You can’t be someone you aren’t. And I know I will introduce my boys to many other adventures – books, travel, imagination, art, food, fingerpaint. Already Aidan is my laminating partner, the official mixer master at cookie-making time (with the small glitch in that role that occurred when the mixer went mad & ate his shirt & chest – ouch! but oh so funny), my story-telling critic, and my nature show watching companion…but I feel the need to stretch.

So…I’m going to accept more Scott backyard football invites, do more family Frisbee throwing, and – oh this is a big one – I’m going to ride at the Dunes on our next trip (next weekend!).  I’ll never be found jumping out of airplanes, but I can manage these few non-me moves.  Baby steps to my own version of Tough.

 

^{_{Aidan & London swordfighting at last year's Renaissance Festival.}}

Comments

[code red]

I can't wait for the dune ride.

[Amy]

I can't wait for you to save me at the bottom of a giant bowl. Ah, memories.

[Annalisa]

I often label people as boy or girl moms. You my friend are a girl mom. I myself would be lost with a boy.
Even as a girl though, I wish my mom weren't such a "girl" because she would never put her face in the water or do anything "fun." I applaud your effort to try. Your boys will appreciate it.
Find your adventure bone in something and embrace it (and make sure you get credit for sword fighting with sticks!). I like my daughter to see me swimiming laps, to see I am not afraid of the water. And if she were a boy and my husband were dead set on camping, I would smile and endure (something he has threatened and I have pretended to be excited about because I know his threats are idle).
But we cannot be all things to our children can we? When your boys are entering medical school, they will be grateful for a mom who read to them and taught them they could be whatever their hearts desired even if she didn't ski the black diamond run with them.

[Kelly]

I loved this, Amy. I have no wisdom to offer as a wimpy mom of girls who swear while watching America's Funniest Videos that they will NEVER waterski, ride motorcycles or do anything even semi-dangerous without a helmet. I probably need to be more adventurous for them, too -- but for different reasons. For what it's worth, I think you are a wonderful mom who is purely enchanted with her boys - and that will matter to them as much as adventure. Good luck with the dunes - I'll be looking forward to hearing about that! (With pictures, Code Red! Don't forget to take pictures.)

[Aunt Judy]

Amy Girl, you are so precious. I had a housefull of boys; I so well know whereof you speak.

In your teaching of Emerson did you ever come across this appropriate quote:

"Patience and fortitude conquer all things." RWE

Where was Ovid when I needed him twenty-five years ago? He said, "The burden becomes light which is cheerfully borne." I wasn't too cheerful about many things.

Forget the quotes and be your own gifted, unique self blooming where you are planted. Therein will be your greatest gift to your munchkins. There is no shame cheering from the side lines, or remaining in camp to stir the fire and put on the pot of beans. As you listen to your own inner voice , you'll know when to be adventurous and when to be still.

It truly is in Divine Order.

Love the pic of London and Aiden.

I think you're fabulous.

[Mandy]

I loved your post. I often wonder if I will be a good Boy Mom. I want a little boy badly. I think you must be a terrific mom. You are very loved by your family and return that love.

Also, I want an Aunt Judy. She always comments on your blog with such warmth. Love it!

[Price Cream Parlor]

Love this post because I totally get that. I will have to blog about it sometime. But love the baby step concept! So worth it to throw yourself out there at times and try. Your boys (especially when they are older) will think that you rock because you tried! Gotta love the boys!

[code red]

I wholeheartedly agree with the spirit of price cream parlor's comment. Adventure isn't about the result it is about the attempt. More quality memories will surround good hearted failures than easy conquests. Despite your belief I feel you as a perfect A and D mom. Maybe not a prototypical boy mom but perfect for your boys.

[sista #2]

I have a comment in my head, but don't know if it will come out making sense....
My sistah -price cream parlor -has 4 boys who are sporty, on the move, adventure guys.(as she mentioned) They just 'came' that way!
She herself, gets to try new things right along with them, I think that's cool.

I have 2.My daughter is way sporty and good!
My son,so far, does not like sports.My husband commented a long time ago -I can care less if my son doesn't 'play sports' like I did, I just want him to be happy!-So true!

My daughter about had a heart attack when I went out to shoot hoops with her! She is usually with daddy or neighbors, so I never had. But I know that is important!!! Very interesting how our kids view us!! Thanks for your insights. -ciao

[Jill]

This is a very cute post. I think you're on to something with these thoughts and with your willingness to accept future invitations to play with the boys. No one said you had to be good at any of those things, it will be enough that you were there!