what do you do?

Not a  rhetorical question.  Say you're child is asked to give the scripture in Primary opening exercises.  He's quite excited about it, practices throughout the week, practically has it memorized.  The moment arrives and you walk up to the little podium with him to whisper in his ear.  Only he won't climb the steps and nuzzles into you instead of facing forward.  You prod, give him a few seconds, then say the scripture yourself.  The primary counselor comes forward to grant him a sticker, which sends him into fits.  He starts to run out of the room.  You follow, grabbing his arm.  But the free arm grabs a small chair and hurls it down the aisle. 

Hardly hypothetical....though I wish it were.  

Yes, my child threw a chair in Primary.  Then spiraled into pure anxiety in the hall, in the bathroom, in the car.  Jim took over (thank you!) when we made it to the hall and their bathroom pow wow went on & on, but when they emerged the spiraling began anew.  So they headed to the car. 

Aidan wanted another chance to say the scripture.  He knew he could do it now.  Um..too late.  A hard lesson, true.  But a necessary lesson to learn if you want to prevent a whole lot of life pain.  Jim handled it perfectly.  I'm not so firm as a mom, and I worry that my compassion is too often a long-term disservice to these little people.  My instant reaction was ouch for the level of anxiety in his little self.  Jim's - this is not acceptable.  And it really isn't.  My mind swirled over ways to give him another chance at saying the scripture.  Jim's firm told me no...he needs to learn the "too late" lesson of life.  Ouch. 

One small moment in parentng, yes.  But there are so many yet to come.  And the smalls merge quickly into Big..and permanent.  And I want to do the right thing.  And I want to help my littles become amazing bigs.  And I want to spare them pain.  And I know that last isn't possible or good.   

 

On another note entirely, today is Talin's 5th birthday.  I love this boy.  We call him the little prophet.  Because he would never throw a chair in primary.  Just kiddng (sort of!), but the boy is seriously just Good.  One of my favorite recent Talin stories happened when they were in the car.  Megan was blasting some music. 

Talin: “I don’t like this song”
Megs: “I’m sorry” (not really paying attention at the time)
Talin: “They are saying terrible things in this song mom”
Megs: “Oh… yeah they are” – she turns the radio off
Two minutes later.
Talin: “That terrible song is still in my head mom”.

Yes, Megs has her own personal Jiminy Cricket.  A useful little second conscience.  And a cute one.  But this is forever my favorite picture of Talin with his "best friend" Wesley.   About three years ago, camping.  I love that all of these cousins are so close.  I miss you Megs & Talin!  Happy Birthday!

 

Comments

[Jordan]

I think my mind has permanantly settled on that question...what do I do? We are also knee deep in the "too late" lessons of life. Seth knows the consequence of his actions, but when they take effect he pleads that NOW he will not push Lucy or NOW he will stop screaming...follow through is becoming easier as I see the results peeking their slow-in-coming heads. But...unheading the pleads of a sincere almost-four-year-old...that doesn't ever get easier, I think.

[Kelly]

Well, it sounds to me like you did the right thing. I find it a hard thing to find the appropriate response to things like this, too. You want to ease their very real fears, but at the same time you have to balance that with a lesson in consequence. It's one of the toughest situations as a parent, I think. You guys are a good parenting team -- you do need a good mix of justice and mercy.

[jenny c.]

I ask myself this question in different scenerios every day. It's hard to have a specific answer even if another one of your children did the same thing. They are all so different and have their own personalities. I fear the day when Luke has to give a scripture he refuses to say anything in front of anyone (unless at home).

Happy Birthday Talin--I love that he is the little prophet. Such a cute boy. :)

[Susan]

Sorry, but I don't have an answer to your question, but it sounds like you handled it very well. Bethany has a talk next month so we will see how that goes. Could potentially end up the same.

[Shanon]

I think church is misserable with kids. Oh wait did I just say that!?!?! Just think hopefully in 5 years it will be great!

[Price Cream Parlor]

Oh, the things that we learn at church! So hard - each situation is so different! I would have to agree with Kel - that you seem to be a perfect parenting team!!

[Mandy]

It's the balance that I worry about. How much to coddle, how much to discipline. I'm usually the bad guy with Ryley but I do spend the majority of the time with her. I'm the one that always tells her, "no,no." Josh comes home and saves the day. :)

[Megan]

Thanks for the little tribute to Talin. He is a good boy.
Aidan should come to our primary, throwing chairs would be very mediocre for the things we put up with, and I'm in senior primary!

[Mandi]

Uh, Shanon, somehow I don't think it does get much easier with teenagers. A few weeks ago, the family in front of us had three teenagers and a mom sitting together. Boy, she had a worse sacrament meeting than me with my two toddlers! At one point a stress ball even exploded, sending water in all directions. It was funny to me, but the mom was horrified. So, maybe it gets easier, but then, maybe it doesn't. . .

Yes, Talin is prophet-boy - such a cutie!

[Barb]

I think your story just illustrates that children really need two parents. Aiden needed a mommy and a daddy. One for compassion and one for the tough lessons. Ying and Yang. Balance.

[Sheri]

Those are some good lessons to learn- I am sure glad we are in this parenting business with good partners who make up for our moments of "what do I do". I know I have many.

[Amberly]

I'm so glad you have a Jim. I am being a bordering parent as well these days. Wanting to cuddle and hug, but wanting him to understand boundaries and rules and that choices have consequences. It sounds like an awful sunday, but a good lesson learned, I hope. Wish I had great advice, but you're dealing with these things before me!

[Jaime]

Oh no!! I'm just waiting for this. This is the kind of fit Kason throws just going to Sunbeams, let alone giving a talk!

[Annalisa]

Don't you wish you could just learn the lessons for them and tell them about it? So hard. It's awkward to have to say your child's part. Some parents giggle, some rush, some give pleading eyes tot he president. We had a gregarious girl in Sunbeams who always wanted to give a talk, but stood a silent brick as her mom read her lines. And yet a few weeks later she was begging to give the talk when our class time rolled around. We worried when Alexis was assigned the talk, but shy as she is, she can deal with anything if she is prepared. We practiced, we emphasized many eyes would be on her, and then I held my breath as my little sunbeam whispered her lines. If Aidan's teacher assigns him a part again, I'm sure he will be eager to prove himself next time. Tough lesson learned.

[Jill]

I gotta say I'm more like your husband on this one. Even though your sweet boy is little and your heart is soft, he still needs to learn a lesson from this incident.