Tantalus

 

My father-in-law once told me to “run fast”. My legs didn’t budge, but my mouth was quick to respond, “I don’t run. Fast or slow.” So you can imagine my dismay at chasing a basketball around a Safeway parking lot on Friday morning at 7:45 am. So much for borrowing Jim’s truck. So much for his Thursday night basketball playing. So much for a peaceful shopping trip without kids (so much for the fact that half of my posts are about grocery shopping). I opened the passenger door to nestle the groceries in, and out jumped the ball. I quickly (okay, Amy-quickly) grappled after it, but every time I neared, my quarry rolled all-the-faster in the “away” direction. It would half-stop, but then pick up speed again with my approach. Forever out of reach. Forever taunting. Irritated, and hardly needing to be mocked by a rogue basketball, I finally stood still. The ball stopped. And I grabbed it.

We dance around in a ring and suppose,

But the Secret sits in the middle and knows.

I’ve often wished that Mr. Frost had continued in full poetic revelation of all the Secrets I long to know...oh to knock on his grave and sit to chat. With no grave access and no answer, I’m left to dance. And dance I do, daily, chasing balls in parking lots, reaching, reaching, forever almost there. Is it as simple as quitting the chase? Still. Stop. Pause. Yes, perhaps there “sits” the Secret…or at least in part.

Right now there are so many secrets I’m seeking to unravel. How do you discipline without crushing? How do you make One of two without losing the You? How do you finish cleaning without having to start again tomorrow? Some momentous, some mundane, all germane.

While I’d love to be handed answers in perfect verse, I somehow know that the secrets are to be answered more individually. Robert Frost’s life Secrets would no doubt differ greatly from my own. I somehow know that mine can only really be answered in the Still of Prayer. I feel the pull to search, grateful I know clearly where, fully realizing that as one dance stops another starts, fully hoping the direction of all the steps combined is Celestial, where all Secrets will be within my reach. Well worth the grapple of the now - bounteous fruit at last in hand.

Comments

[Code Red]

Amazing. Very U2 but in some ways you know what you're looking for, you just don't know how to always find it.

[Kelly]

Wow, Amy. Beautiful. I don't think anything I could say could add to this. You are a writer, my friend.

[Annalisa]

Beautiful indeed. I've wondered if I were offered a glimpse into my future, would I want to know the way the secrets turn out, I think not. Some secrets are beautiful only in their discovery.

[Barb]

I love Robert Frost! After I read your post I read 'A Time to Talk'. I like coming up to the stone wall for a friendly visit with you.

[lelly]

thanks for reminding me that i like to read. and i like poetry. and i like robert frost. and i need to be still.

[Vella]

Amy-
I could hardly tell where Frost ended and you began.

[Mandy]

You really are amazing. I love to read your thoughts and feelings.

[amy m]

Loved reading your words. It would be nice to say, "when you've figured it out let me know", but I think you are right the search is individual. I too find it in the stillness of prayer and living life.

[Jordan]

Here I am seeking the same secrets to unravel. Perhaps if we just keep dancing there will be some revelations along the way. Beautiful words, as always.