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    « Christmas thoughts | Main | arizona Christmas »

    inspired by Mandy's post...

    I was having trouble commenting on Mandy's blog site, but her entry struck at my daily nerves. 

    Unfortunately, insecurity comes hand-in-hand with motherhood.  When Aidan's demons arise, I see myself and wonder if I planted them in this tiny human bundle.  When Davyn's language skills seem stalled, I cringe, knowing that when he was a baby I didn't spend the same amount of time reading with and talking to him as I did with A.   At some point of nearly every day, I'm thinking, "Where did I go wrong?"  I worry.  I stress.  I cry.  I pray ( not nearly enough). 

    My reassurance comes in simple moments.  The other day I caught Aidan (3) with one arm around Davyn (nearly 2), and the other hand held against D's face.  He said, "You're my best friend, DB (one of many nicknames).  When I was little I couldn't do thumbs up, only pinky up.  When you get bigger you will do thumbs up and pinky up."  D leaned in and they cuddled for a moment.  Of course, my eyes were wet watching this scene.  D also wets my eyes with his kisses & smiles.  Today at the movie theater he sat by two older ladies, made eyes at them, waved, smiled, flirted.  It very obviously made their day.  His love is louder than any clearly spoken words.  In such simple moments I think I just might be helping to form some amazing&decent humans.

    Reader Comments (4)

    That story about thumbs up made me get all teary. Those moments are so precious. It's hard not to question everything you do as a mom. That's just my favorite when my girls are being loving and nurturing toward each other.
    December 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterKelly
    Amy-that was a really nice post. It's comforting knowing that other moms question themselves as much as I do. It helps me to doubt myself less. Sorry about my blog. I was so frustrated with it that I moved to typepad.
    December 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMandy
    I love your thoughts on this! So rings true! No one told you how hard it would be to be a Mother. Hands down - the best lifetime of worry! Always questioning ourselves. I love how the boys just were being so kind and sweet to each other! Love those tender moments and how awesome it is when we catch a glimmer of one! LONG ago - I had my C in his baby swing. He was about 4 months old. My S had pulled the piano bench over to the swing and had those Brain Quest, question and answer cards out and was talking to the babe. I walked in while this was going on and asked him what he was doing. This 3 year old responded that he was teaching the baby how to read! Then, he hopped off the bench, stopped the swing and kissed him on the head and told him that he was so happy to have a little brother. I melted!
    Love those moments! Makes you feel like you received a great big gold star for the moment as a Mother!
    December 10, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterPrice Cream Parlor
    Love that story, PCP. Those moments truly do melt your heart. "The best lifetime of worry"...I like that.
    December 10, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

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